“I can be flirty, but not consistently – and especially not when I really like them.”

A woman with dark hair in a ponytail, wearing a maroon shirt, sitting outdoors on grass, smiling at the camera. A man with dark hair, wearing black, is sitting beside her, looking at his phone. There are trees and other people in the background.

Welcome to the Club

Most guys struggle with flirting for one simple reason: they wait for her to give them permission. They think it’s random, but in reality, nothing happens for them unless she flirts a little first to make it safe.

But here’s the catch—most women were raised not to initiate. That’s traditionally the man’s role. So if you’re waiting for her to go first, you’ll be waiting a long time.

And when a woman does flirt first, she’s usually the type who already has endless options.

If that’s the pool you’re stuck in, no wonder flirting feels inconsistent.

A woman with long blonde hair smiling and talking to a man with dark hair at a table with two glasses of red wine against a brick wall.

Break the Cycle

The fix is simple but powerful: you have to initiate.

On a date, don’t rush to fill every silence. Let one linger. Use that pause to really see her—the care she put into her outfit, the way her smile lights up the room, the way it makes you feel, especially in your lower body.

Let those feelings rise in you. Then meet her eyes. Smile slightly like you’re saying “thank you” for the experience.

Color test screen with vertical color bars and the text 'THIS IS ONLY A TEST' across the middle.

Don’t Break the Tension

If you do this right, she’ll feel the shift. Sometimes she’ll tease: “What are you looking at?”

Most guys panic here. They look away, apologize, and smother the spark.

Don’t. Hold her gaze. Stay in your feelings. Tell the truth—simply and tastefully:

“That dress looks incredible on you.”
“Sorry, I just got lost in your smile.”

Do this, and you’ll see her blush. The tension rises. Attraction grows.

A man and woman sitting at a bar, having a conversation, each holding a glass of red wine, with a romantic ambiance.

That’s All You Need

That one moment proves two things to your subconscious:

Expressing desire is safe, and welcome in the appropriate situation.
Doing so makes her feel desired—and that’s what she really came for.

Every time you do this, your confidence grows. Soon you’re no longer waiting for scraps of permission—you’re leading the dance and creating connections that would have never have existed otherwise.

Wooden Scrabble tiles spelling out "STOP MAKING EXCUSES" on a white background.

“But I Don’t Want to Be Creepy”

Good. That instinct means you care.

And that’s exactly why you practice this on dates—the one context where she’s expecting you to flirt.

She didn’t spend hours getting ready for you to not notice. She came to feel wanted. If you hold back here, you’re not being respectful—you’re being cold.

Every excuse about being a “good guy” in this situation is just fear dressed up as virtue.

A young man and woman chatting in a bright kitchen, holding white mugs, smiling at each other.

The Choice in Front of You

When you own your desire, flirting stops being pressure and starts being play. Women feel it. They relax, open up, and meet you in the moment.

With practice, confidence replaces doubt. Women lean in, dates feel alive, and your options expand.

That’s the payoff: lasting confidence, genuine connection, and the freedom to create the love life you want—starting the moment you stop waiting for permission and let yourself be seen.

Want to take control of your sexual life faster? Let’s talk.