Is It Attraction… or Ego?

“Attraction isn’t a choice.” —Eben Pagan

A couple touching foreheads and smiling, with the woman gently holding the man's face and the man closing his eyes.

It’s Science

In the well-known “sweaty T-shirt study,” Swiss biologist Claus Wedekind discovered that women were most drawn to the scent of men whose genes differed in ways that could give potential children stronger immune systems.

When the match is right, your bodies light up. When it’s not, nothing happens.

By that logic, dating should be simple: meet people until the chemistry hits, then ride off into the sunset.

Unfortunately, our egos rarely let it be that simple.

The image shows a brown background with large, bold white text that reads "ATTRACTION vs. AWE."

Two Feelings People Confuse

  • Sexual attraction starts at the base of your spine, a warm pull that spreads through your body. The more compatible your genes, the stronger the pull.

  • Awe is felt in the chest. It’s the same feeling you get from sunsets, oceans, or starry skies—and in dating, from someone’s beauty or status.

A grayscale winners' podium with three levels, illuminated by a spotlight, displaying the numbers 1, 2, and 3, indicating first, second, and third places.

Why It Matters

Awe-based desire feeds the ego: If they like me, I must be valuable. But chasing validation only deepens self-doubt—and when you lead with awe, you put them on a pedestal, lowering yourself in their eyes.

Sexual attraction, expressed respectfully, keeps you both on equal footing.

A man and woman smiling and holding hands at a bar, with drinks and snacks on the counter.

Quick Check

Next time you’re drawn to someone, notice where you feel it:

  • Chest → Awe. Appreciate it without needing anything in return.

  • Lower body → Attraction. If it’s appropriate, express it directly and confidently.

Awareness turns impulse into choice—so you connect for the right reasons, not the wrong ones. Instead of chasing someone to prove your worth, you can enjoy beauty without attachment or lean in when the chemistry is genuine. That shift not only protects your self-respect, it naturally makes your connections more mutual, healthy, and lasting.

Still struggling to experience that mutual, natural chemistry? Let’s talk.