Why Everything You Knew About Seduction is Wrong

If you’ve grown up in most places on this planet, you learned that attraction or seduction was a very simple and streamlined process: First, the man demonstrates his value, either through his wit, humor, or by doing something amazing – like having a car that turns into a robot. Then the woman “selects” him because of this value and gets turned on my how amazing he is and the man ‘takes her’.

This mindset is based on old Victorian-era views of women and men. She was this prize, the trophy for the strongest or most clever man. She just couldn’t help but be drawn in by his awesome power. This is the story I was raised with through television, movies, and every other message in society. Unfortunately it couldn’t be more wrong.

He’s selecting her

The way it actually works is a bit more complex – but not by much. It’s adds one extra step, but a critical step – once that reminds us that men are just as much a selector in seductive process as women.

What happens in reality is that first a man demonstrates his unflinching confidence and masculinity – basically by doing the things that I wrote about in this article.

This solid base of masculinity provides a foundation on which a woman can express her personality, her sexiness, her real beauty. We’ve all seen it too, when a woman is ‘lit up’ and flirtatious there’s few things more beautiful in the world. Keep in mind that not every woman will respond to your masculinity in this way – not every woman is attracted to me, shocking I know 😉 But the more you work on those masculine aspects that attract a woman in a conversation, the more women will respond to you this way and the stronger their responses.

Now is where things get a little different. She may be attracted to you like any human being is drawn to a charismatic person, and while this will be enough for some woman to get turned on sexually, for most it’s not enough. Most women need you to select them with your sexuality at this point.

How do we do this? When a woman is being all flirty and feminine – the best thing in the world – we much show her that she’s turning us on. More so, she has to FEEL the sexual energy brewing inside of you, and it’s that feeling that turns her on. You actions may draw or attract her to you, but it’s your sexual desire for her that ignites her sexual fire. She wants to feel sexy and we’re the main source of sexual energy. Some women may inspire those feelings more than others, but ultimately it’s up to us to ‘bestow’ them upon her.

Taking this into consideration, you can now understand some past situations with women a bit better. If she’s already attracted to you and you’re busy trying to attract her more instead of expressing your sexual desire for her, she won’t get turned on and will lose interest because she figures you’re not into her and doesn’t feel any sexual energy. If you try to move things forward with a girl because she’s hot and your ego wouldn’t mind hooking up with her but you’re not feeling strong sexual desire for her she’ll likely ‘flake’ on you because deep down she could feel that your actions weren’t authentic and she didn’t feel turned on by you. If you are just going through a stretch in your life where you’re not feeling your sexual energy as strongly, or if you’ve had trouble feeling and expressing your sexual energy your entire life – this is why most women aren’t getting turned on by you.

Luckily, harnessing and expressing your sexual desire is something well within your control. You may have been taught to keep it hidden or repress it because you don’t want to offend anyone or get a lawsuit filed against you, but as you now know, it’s essential to develop. Taking care of your physical body will help, as will practicing on the women you meet (I’d recommend practicing on strangers in a bar before pulling it out on women you know). When you’re doing it right, you can turn on a woman simply through your desire expressed through the look in your eye.

Remember that you have to select her, not with any intellectual choice, but rather with the feeling in your body. Practice this skill, learn to turn her on through the mastery of your sexual energy… and then ‘take her’.

2 thoughts on “Why Everything You Knew About Seduction is Wrong

  1. Nick, great insights here. Especially this part:

    “If you try to move things forward with a girl because she’s hot and your ego wouldn’t mind hooking up with her but you’re not feeling strong sexual desire for her she’ll likely ‘flake’ on you because deep down she could feel that your actions weren’t authentic and she didn’t feel turned on by you.”

    I’ve experienced this. This might sound kind of messed up, but once you start to feel abundance with women, interactions with an individual woman start to carry less weight (at least that’s how it is for me). I start to care a lot less about how “hot” she is, because it really isn’t a big deal. If there’s nothing more she has to offer, I naturally start to lose interest. I’d rather just talk to another girl. Sometimes I’ll try to push it forward anyway, like you said about the ego, but the girls can kind of tell it isn’t authentic.

    However, when you REALLY want a woman, it is going to show. She will notice. Your sexual expression will be natural and not forced. You are clearly not faking it. Like attracts like. The energy will be very apparent in your body and it won’t be hard to make a great connection.

    Do you notice this as well? And what are some ways you practice sexually expressing yourself? I agree that it can be done with eye contact as well as being physically aggressive (i.e. literally picking her up).

    • Well said Dave, and I DEFINITELY notice this as well. If I’m not genuinely attracted to a girl it’ll be very difficult for me to “seduce” her unless she wants to be lied to. Even then, I don’t really enjoy it.

      In terms of practice, I definitely focus on identifying my sexual energy when talking to a woman (bars are usually the best place to practice) and building and expressing this energy through the look in my eyes, the expression on my face, and definitely though wanting to feel my body next to hers in whatever way possible. I’d also strongly recommend my colleague, Christina Berkley. I bring her in to assist with my Saturday class on this exact topic. Her work centers around helping men and women harness and express their sexual energy and she’s excellent at it.


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