Unhappy with Your Dating Life? Play the Claw Game.

How many times have you passed by one of these:


Did you realize that these machines have a lot to teach you about improving your dating life? Let me explain:

Typically, when it comes to the claw game, the best prizes are buried. They’re stuffed under other prizes or against the wall and are impossible to get out. You’d go broke trying to get it.

The way to win at the claw game is not to go after the prize you really want, but to go after what’s available. You know, the stuffed animal that’s sitting on top and not pressed up against a bunch of other stuffed animals that would get in the way of the claw.


The more opportunities you take, the more opportunities become available.

Now I’m not saying that the way to ‘win’ in your dating life is to settle for whatever’s available — far from it. The lesson from the claw game is that when you start by taking what’s available, what you truly desire will open up and become available itself.

Similarly in dating, most of us know what we want. We want someone attractive, kind, smart, funny, successful, etc. Often when we want to improve our dating life, we want to go immediately after what we want. Just like the claw game though, there’s a lot of stuff in the way that makes getting what we want essentially impossible:

There’s our insecurities and the fact that the people we really want make them come out even more. There’s typically a difficulty staying present with people and expressing, and almost always trouble expressing sexuality. There’s usually difficulty saying what we’re truly feeling at that moment, if we’re even aware of what it is, instead of checking everything in our head to make sure it’s the “right” thing to say. Sometimes there’s the tendency to look at interactions in terms of what I can get from them, instead of simply enjoying the interaction for its own sake. Blocks, blocks, blocks, blocks, blocks.


She is out of your league… For now at least

Just like the claw game though, there are people available in your life open to socialize with, flirt with, and date. At the bar there’s people keeping to themselves at a table, and there’s people looking to socialize. Even more simple: on Tinder there’s people who swipe left and people who swipe right.

Some people will get frustrated with this, “yeah but that’s not what I really want”. The claw game teaches you how pointless your frustration is — you’re frustrated because what you want is impossible to get at the moment. You have to remove the blocks first. (Or get some help and accelerate the process with live training)

Instead, if one takes what’s available and improves those areas that he’s weaker in (removing the stuff in his way) — being present with people, confident in expressing his sexuality, expressing his feelings with others (strangers, acquaintances, or friends) without hesitation, truly enjoying other people’s company for its own sake — then suddenly he’ll start attracting more women he truly wants and have more opportunities to test that improvement against a tougher challenge. The more opportunities you take, the more opportunities become available.

So take a lesson from the claw game: Stop being frustrated that you don’t have what you want right now, and stop trying to get it — you’ll just end up miserable and broke. Instead, take what’s available, make the most of those relationships and enjoy them fully, and suddenly the opportunities you really want will be there.

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