This article was inspired by a question in the forums:
‘Whenever I see a woman I’m attracted to I automatically put her value above mine, and I’m not sure how to adjust that… You’ve mentioned on numerous occasions that a hot girl doesn’t have the most value (there are hot girls everywhere). I understand this logically, but I don’t ‘feel’ like it. Any insight you can provide on how to move closer to that ideal is greatly appreciated.’
Unfortunately, he isn’t the only gentleman who feels this way. Society, for thousands of years, has carried this idea that beautiful women are the most valuable things on the planet. A war was fought over the beauty that was Helen of Troy. All popular fairy tales have the prince, through his valiant efforts, living happily after ever with a princess who is typically described as ‘the most beautiful woman in the land’ – the ultimate prize. The popular film “40 Year-Old Virgin” discusses this tendency to put women on a pedestal… although they use a bit more colorful language to do so.
Because of our cultural conditioning, taking a woman off of that pedestal can be easier said than done, however the “how to” can be broken down into two steps:
1. Realize that her ‘pedestal’ is crumbling. Aside from the fact that there’s easily a million beautiful women in the world and not as many confident men, the other factor that shows how fictional her pedestal is is the fact that it’s temporary. People get old – looks fade. She may be at the top of the mountain looks-wise for now, but it won’t be more than ten years before her looks fall back to the median and she’s replaced by the never-ending waves of young girls who are popping up to take her place. Of course you have to be physically attracted to your partner, but if you choose a mate based solely on looks, it’ll only be a matter of time before you realize how short-sighted of a decision that was.
Women are far more aware of this than any guy (hang out with older women if you really want this to sink in). While we’re mesmerized by the beauty of the moment – they know their clock is ticking and are mindful of the millions of younger girls ready and eager to take their place. Some women try to take advantage of their time on top for as long as they can, sitting in denial of the future and their inevitable rude awakening. Other women accept this and develop themselves outside of their looks and find partners who champion these other characteristics instead of those that will fade. Who are you after?
EDIT: As Dave P reminded me in the comments, this is also an issue of what kind of standards you have for yourself. Are you willing to overlook things you dislike about a woman’s character or personality – things that don’t fade with time – because she’s “hot”? All women are attracted to a man who has standards for himself. Desiring a woman solely based on her looks shows you don’t.
2. ‘Raise’ your own pedestal. Would you consider yourself a ‘10’? Would you say that you’re one of the most attractive potential mates a woman could choose? Check back on the recent article I wrote and be honest about what you have to work on.
Are you taking care of your body? The vast majority of guys can get themselves to at least an ‘8’ looks wise by just getting themselves in great shape. And luckily for us, women don’t place nearly as much relative value on looks as we do. Have you developed yourself professionally, socially, and spiritually? If not, then how can you expect to attract a woman who’s put twice as much effort into developing herself?
The path may be simple, but it certainly isn’t easy. Developing yourself into the best person you can be is already a daunting task. On top of that, in order for the stuff about the crumbling pedestal to really sink in – so you believe it instead of just understanding it logically – you have to go out and have experiences with the women who intimidate you most. Only through doing so will you see that while some of them are lost in the denial of the fiction they’re living in, many more will be amazing women who are developing themselves and looking for someone who isn’t intimidated by them and the lies we’ve all been raised with. They just want someone they ‘click’ with like anyone else. This can be you as soon as you realize your own potential value and stop buying into the great lie of physical beauty.