Stop Going Out to Pick Up Girls

You read the title correctly; it wasn’t a typo. And believe it or not, this post is actually about meeting women.

Think about your mindset when you go out. If you ever think to yourself, “There’s a 2 set. A hb9 and an hb7. I’m going to open with the jealous girlfriend opener, then neg the hb9, dhv, wait for ioi’s and then proceed with kino escalation”, then first off, are you a real person? Second of all, you’re hurting your chances of meeting beautiful women.

Think about it for a second. Everyone out at the bar is just trying to have a good time, release some stress from the day or week, and maybe meet some cool people. You’re the guy trying to take advantage of this situation for your own exclusive benefit. Maybe you do get some hotties interested in you. Maybe you get their number, make out with them, or even take them home with you. You’re still that same guy, and there’s a good chance that continuing a fun relationship with this girl is a bit harder once you run out of techniques.

The mindset you should be having is: “This is the best night of my life, I love the company of the people I’m with and I’m excited to meet new, interesting people so all of our lives can be enhanced.”

Let’s make a quick comparison and then we’ll talk more about exactly what I mean. Let’s say your goal for the night is to pick up women and you go to talk to a girl and she shoots you down… it happens. Then what’s the outcome? You just failed. Your value is lower, hers is higher. Now let’s pretend that your goal is to have a great time and be incredibly social. You go up to talk to that same girl, and she shoots you down again. Now what’s the outcome? You were just trying to make a new friend. She’s the anti-social weirdo, your value higher, hers lower.

When you go out with the mindset that you’re just having a great time and wanting to help everyone around you have the best time possible as well, then tons of amazing things start to happen. You’re the center of attention, every girls’ eyes will be on you wondering how they don’t know the person everyone else knows.

You’ll also meet some amazing people. Now because you made these people’s lives a bit better, they’re going to be excited to see you. The next time you run into them, they’ll get a big smile on their face and shake your hand or give you a hug… and maybe introduce you to their cute roommate who they brought out with you. Even if she couldn’t come out to play that night, other people will see this. These will be the new people whose nights you will make better by getting to know them. By the way, some of these people will be beautiful women, that’s just how the numbers work.

Keep this in mind: people are very intuitive. When someone talks to you, you know almost immediately if they’re out to get something from you or if they’re just a good person showing some love. People will get that same vibe off of you, and if you’re just out speading some positive energy they will be very thankful for it.

Now think about where you are. Instead of being that guy with his friend walking up to groups of women trying to get something from them, you’re the guy everyone knows, the one who everyone loves having around. If you were a woman who would you rather sleep with?

You can apply this strategy to every part of game. Take phone game for example: When you’re calling a girl that you met out at the bar recently, you’re hurting yourself if you’re thinking, “my goal here is to bring her back to the fun conversation we had last night, and from there I will work to build more comfort before soliciting a second meeting with here”.

You’re much better off with the mindset of: “I had a great  time talking to this person last night and she obviously felt the same way or she wouldn’t have given me her number. I’m going to give her a call so we can both enjoy each other’s company again.” Now once again, it’s good to use some of the lessons you’ve already learned. Simply saying, “Hi, this is Nick from the bar last night. You probably don’t remember me but I wanted to maybe get together with you”, probably isn’t going to get you the results you want for either mindset, but the mindset here still matters.

 Remember, there a tons of amazing people out there, not because you need targets, but because they’re trying to enhance their lives. If you help them achieve this you will be universally loved. If not… well, at least you can get a kiss close here and there.

5 thoughts on “Stop Going Out to Pick Up Girls

  1. Awesome post dude. Makes alot of sense. Ive been doing this recently and ive been having girls come up to me rather than me opening them. Its awesome and i barely have to think…just lean back and having a fucking fun time.

    – Focus

  2. Pingback: Stop Going Out to Pick Up Girls - Dating, Pickup, Seduction

  3. Pingback: Zach Spoelstra » Blog Archive » something snapped

  4. I believe it’s more like a fine balance. You should be going out just seeking a good time, but you should also know how to read different types of girls. You’re the one who has to lead the romance, so that often requires a lot of thinking.

Comments are closed.