How to Kill Approach Anxiety

A young man in a black suit and white shirt sitting at a bar or restaurant, holding a glass of water, with an intent or confused expression on his face, in a dimly lit room with wooden decor and bookshelves.

You’re Probably Making This Mistake

Most guys sabotage their night before they even start.
They scan the room, lock onto the woman they find most attractive, and put all the pressure on approaching her first.

That single move triggers a chain reaction: They overthink, hesitate, and pile up excuses. If they finally walk over, it’s with nervous energy and shaky confidence—almost guaranteeing rejection.

From there, the night spirals. After enough nights like this, many guys give up approaching altogether. And honestly, I don’t blame them.

Newton's cradle with five metallic balls suspended from strings against a grey background.

The Missing Piece

Fifteen years ago, I noticed something game-changing: the sooner a guy got into any positive interaction, the easier it was to carry that energy through the night. Wait too long, and it became nearly impossible to get started.

I called this social momentum. It wasn’t just an insight—it was the key.

With social momentum, you always have something to say, confidence radiates, and everyone responds well. Without it, the night is usually lost.

Three friends at a bar, two men and a woman, enjoying drinks and smiling. The woman wearing a red checked shirt is sitting on a barstool, holding a beer mug, while the man in a black shirt also holds a beer mug. The man in a light-colored shirt stands with his back to the camera, engaging with the other two. The bar has a rustic, cozy ambiance with a brick wall and shelves of bottles in the background.

How to Avoid the Mistake

The solution is simple: don’t start with the hardest approach. Start with the easiest.

Look for friendly, approachable people. Strike up a short, positive exchange. Then do it again. By the third interaction, you’ll feel like a different guy—relaxed, confident, and quick on your feet.

Now, when you approach the woman you’re most drawn to, everything is effortless, everything clicks, and you’re probably seeing her again.

Four people, two women and two men, are sitting at a bar or restaurant at night, engaging in conversation and laughter. They are dressed in stylish clothes, with drinks in front of them, and the background features colorful lights.

The Payoff

When you build momentum first, two things happen:

  • You’re far more likely to leave with a date.

  • You’ll actually enjoy going out.

Best of all, that momentum doesn’t stop at last call. It carries into the next day, the next week—and eventually becomes your new normal.

Bottom line: Stop opening cold with the toughest approach. Build momentum first, and your confidence—and results—will transform.

Want to transform your life even faster? Let’s talk.