I’m asked a very similar question by guys time and time again: ‘How can I get a girl to be cool with the fact that I hook up with a-lot of women?’
I was having a similar discussion with a female friend the other day about the topic and she re-affirmed the guys’ question with her own view that she typically dislikes guys who fashion themselves as “players” or talk about how they have multiple sexual partners.
The conversation then drifted to myself and the fact that most women in my life, including the friend with whom I was having this conversation and any girl that I date, knew that I was not a one-woman kind of guy had no problem with that fact, and actually enjoyed that facet of my identity.
So what was the big difference between myself and the rest of those guys that most women I know “can’t stand”?
To put it bluntly, most of the guys who hook up with a ton of women are sketchy d-bags. The main motivation for their trysts is an insecurity with themselves and a need to make others think more highly of them to compensate. Their relations can be more accurately described as “conquests” or “notches in the belt” and many times, these “players” don’t actually like women, but were hurt by a girl at some point in their past and are taking it out on every other girl they come across.
I know this mindset vividly because sadly, most of it has applied to me at one point or another in my life. Luckily for everyone in my life, my hurt feelings have subsided and my confidence has grown.
Let’s now contrast this with my current point of view:
I love women. I absolutely love them; the way they look, carry themselves, think, smell, sound, and feel. When I pursue a woman it’s not to build up my confidence or have something to brag about, it’s because I’m drawn to them like Brittany Spears is drawn to not wearing underwear.
This passion is fairly obvious to anyone who spends any significant amount of time with me. When I’m with a woman, romantic or otherwise, I rarely have to state the fact that she will not be the only woman in my life that I’m involved with, because every word, every look, and every gesture makes my passion for women perfectly clear.
Now don’t get me wrong. Of course there are women who are looking for a man to be committed to her and her alone. There’s nothing wrong with this and I genuinely respect our differences in opinion. While this happens sometimes, many other women are happy to enjoy the company of someone who provides them with fun, excitement, passion, and makes them feel alive and sexy.
I’m also not saying that I’m anti-commitment. When I meet that amazing girl that makes all other women pale in comparison in my eyes I very much look forward to being committed to her and her alone. One thing I will never do is lie about my feelings before then.
It boggles my mind when a guys lies to a woman about his intentions, dupes her into sleeping with him, and then brags about it like he’s accomplished something. Anyone can lie to get what he wants; is it really something to be proud of?
Getting back to the point at hand, I feel as though the same difference holds true for women. Society is far to quick to throw around the term “slut” and “whore”; however, if a woman doesn’t actually like men, but sleeps with them in order to make herself feel better or raise her social standing, then it is not surprising to find as much disdain for her as women have for men who do the same.
On the other hand, if a woman is comfortable with her sexuality and truly enjoys expressing it in whichever way she deems appropriate, then I find that much more attractive than a girl with little to no sexual experience who is uncomfortable with the topic, regardless of how many men the former girl has fooled around with.
So guys, if you want to enjoy the company of many woman and not have them turn their noses up at you for it, then for god sakes stop being a sketchy d-bag. Stop using women as a way to make yourself feel better, recognize them for the incredible creatures that they are, and start being unashamed of the passion and love that drives you toward them.
Will everyone agree with your point of view? Of course not. But will most people appreciate and respect it because it comes from a place of genuine goodness and love? Well, if they don’t then a-lot of women are lying to me just to get in my pants…
…And I’ll let feeling like a piece of meat slide just this one time.