How to Attract a Woman

If I could eradicate one question from the world I would die a happy man. That question: ‘What do I say to a girl to get her to like me?’ or, ‘what are some conversation topics to help me stand out from other guys?’

He doesn’t have to say a word

I can shout “it doesn’t matter what you say” from the rooftops all day and night, but it still won’t do much good to overcome the monumental cultural focus on the words coming out of your mouth. Instead of telling you what not to do, I’ve found it much more effective to share what you should do instead. Therefore, I present to you all of the ways to attract a woman (in order of effectiveness) that are far more powerful than anything you could say. In fact, on my programs, I ignore the ‘what to say’ for them most part, instead making sure my guys nail these points. If they do, they have no shortage of women throwing themselves at them.

– Eye Contact: I could never emphasize this one enough. If you hold strong eye contact that demands and expects attention and conveys the power of whatever emotion you’re feeling – the other person will be more attracted to you. If you don’t they won’t. I could spend an entire article just talking about the importance of eye contact – it really is the one thing to rule them all. If you have it, it’s all you need. If you don’t, you’ve got nothing.

– Facial Expression: As I’ve said before, our faces are our primary tools for communication. If you’re not communicating with the expression on your face, you’re just a robot sending information. More importantly, your face is always communicating something. If you’re not actively controlling what you’re expressing you’re more than likely just saying, “I’m uncomfortable”

– Physical Dominance: Are you standing close to the person as you would a good friend, or are you keeping a distance that says you’re afraid of them? Are you speaking in your full voice, or softly expressing yourself out of awkwardness? Do you initiate physical contact with the people you interact with as part of your personality, or are you afraid to touch? All of these factors play an almost unfairly strong role in the other person’s emotional experience. If you’re overlooking this to concentrate on what to say, you’ll fail every time.

– Forcing Her to Contribute Equally: Are you doing all of the talking and trying to impress her, or do you put the burden of conversation equally on her shoulders? It’s so important, I have written articles about this one.

– Showing Her You’re Listening: One of the most common complaints women have is that it feels like we’re not listening, but rather just thinking of the next thing to say and waiting for our turn to talk. If she even gets the sense that your mind is drifting toward what you’re going to say next, she’ll stop talking right then and it won’t matter how clever the next thing coming out of your mouth will be, it’s over.

– Showing Interest: It’s not you being cool or “high value” that turns her on, it’s your desire for her that she can feel that turns her on. Granted, most women want to feel desired for something they do. This is why if you just show sexual desire for any walking vagina that crosses your path, most of them will be turned off. If, however, you wait until she opens up and shows her personality, and then show your interest – you’ll see her light up and understand why you have to show your desire at the right time.

Keep in mind that all but the last point applies to being attractive to both men and women. I don’t mean attractive exclusively in a sexual sense, but rather that your expressed charisma in taking these actions will draw everyone to you, and yes, make you the object of desire for women as a bonus. If for a second you start focusing on the ‘what to say’ and take your eye off the balls that really matter, then you’ll forever be frustrated with inconsistency in your social life. Sometimes you’ll do this stuff because you’re just in a good place or “in the zone” and you’ll get positive results. Other times you won’t. If you focus on cultivating these skills, the only things that matter in an interaction, you’ll see your inconsistency issues disappear and wonder why you ever thought it was so difficult in the first place.

Finally, to all of the skeptics saying, “well yeah, but you have to talk about something, what do you talk about?” The simple answer is, ‘whatever she wants’. If you turn on a woman doing the stuff listed above, she won’t stop talking, and that’s the way it should be. So what are you waiting for? Get out there, practice this stuff, and share your experiences below.

50 thoughts on “How to Attract a Woman

  1. Lol I still can’t believe that guys ask this question, but then I have to remember that newbies to pickup or guys in general who lack social skills will ask this question.

    Once again Nick, I may have to disagree with you again (as on a TSB Mag article). Explain for us what do you mean exactly that a guy should talk about what the girl want to. To me, that seems very supplicative and giving away the power to the woman.

    • I can definitely believe that people ask this question. All our lives we’ve been told that it’s by saying something funny, clever, or interesting that girls like us. If we see a friend do well with a woman our first question is often, “what did you say”. Even most of the “pickup” culture is centered around the idea of, “here’s some good things or talk about to say to get the results you want”.

      And I don’t think that talking about whatever she wants to talk about requires much explanation. I do definitely disagree that it’s “supplicative and giving away power to a woman”. First of all, talking about what interests others to be deemed a good conversationalist is basic conversation skills 101. Dale Carnagie, in How to Win Friends and Influence, the greatest book on socializing ever written, made the point that he was the most popular guy at a wedding by talking the least.

      What topic you’re discussing doesn’t have anything to do with being supplicative or who has the power. In fact, I notice that “pickup guys” once again focus too much on what’s alpha or whatever and sabotage themselves on some backwards thinking like the above that is more wrapped up in their insecurities of not having power in a relationship than simple reality. The reality is that if I don’t like what she has to say or the topics she brings up, I can stop talk to her – the power’s all mine. If you ignore what she wants to talk about and instead try to press some topics that you feel you have to in order to feel dominant or like you have power, she won’t be interested in you unless she’s just desperately looking to get laid and willing to take anything that’s in front of her.

  2. Cool. I get what you mean.

    I’ve heard of the book. I read it actually, but there’s no definitive proof that what he recommends work (Dale Carnagie).

    Well, you at least clarified what you meant when it comes to being a conversationalist
    and talking about what she wants to. But in general, guys will get the impression that this article advocates putting women on the proverbial pedestal and to hell with what you(the guy) wants to talk about.

    • “but there’s no definitive proof that what he recommends work (Dale Carnagie)”

      Why don’t you try it out? There may not be “definitive proof”, but it’s worked for me, and for the hundreds of guys I’ve coached – and that’s definitive enough for all of us.

      And do you really feel that that guys will think turning a girl on so that she blabs about whatever she wants to blab about is putting her on a pedestal?

      On the contrary, I think that trying to think of what you should talk about puts her on a pedestal way more. I don’t put in any effort when I talk to a girl, a guy who’s trying to think of what to say is putting in more effort. Wouldn’t you agree that the guy trying harder will always be less attractive, and the guy who doesn’t seem to try at all will always be more attractive?

      I think this just goes back to guys over-thinking and over-complicating things because of their fears of not having any power while being ignorant to the simple reality of the situation.

    • It’s kind of interesting to see Nick and SocialKenny argue back and forth on their philosophical take on whether letting a woman talk about what she wants is supplicative or not.

      Personally, I think there’s a truth in a little bit of both.

      To SocialKenny,

      There’s a difference between ONLY letting the woman talk about what she wants and sticking to those topics (in hopes of winning her approval) and allowing her to talk about what interests her to get to know her.

      Guys who are not confident are afraid of talking of things that women don’t want to talk about.

      Guys who are confident are OK with letting her talk because it gives you an opportunity to use her own interest to seduce her. (And that doesn’t mean he will only talk about what she wants to talk about).

      A big part of seduction is making people feel good. Great seducers know to use what the woman talks about to “flip it” against her and use it to charm her.

      Guys like Nick understand that allowing her to talk is just an angle to find the window of opportunity to show interest based on who she is. And that’s it.

      To Nick,

      I can understand SocialKenny’s point of just having the guy talk about what he wants as well just because if a guy can be bold in whatever he says, some women (especially in ADD type of environments like clubs) will respond positively just from the intrigue and entertainment factor alone. “Shocking” someone conversationally by dismissing their topics allows him to control the interaction better b/c the conversation is on “his” terms. His style is a form of drawing attention to himself.

      Whereas your conversational skills is more charming, it’s connective and seductive at the same time. You probably win women over because they can feel the genuineness and character in you.

      SocialKenny wins women over because he’s a character in his own right.

      • I agree with everything you say here, but I’d also just like to add that while the “say whatever you want” approach can certainly get you laid and is good for one night stands, it’ll also usually turn off women who are interested in a relationship, resulting in a lot of my clients asking why their one night stands never want to talk to them again with this approach. It’ll also make most guys think you’re an asshole and is culturally sensitive. My approach, on the contrary, works with everyone in the world.

      • Nick, couldn’t agree with your observation more.

        Which again proves the difference in goal/style between you and SocialKenny.

        I believe SocialKenny is more focused on getting someone’s laid. Your focus (just like mine), is to make someone attractive and happy… and in the same token get them laid.

  3. I agree with you basically that we don’t have to have concrete proof for anything to work (in other words). I do pickup, and it works for me, despite not having concrete proof from other sources to back it up. So I’m not knocking you there much.

    Well, it all boils down to perception and how the guy perceives himself. Surely a guy who isn’t skilled in social dynamics, pickup or socializing in general, will have a hard time letting it flow like you and I can.

    I don’t think of what to say next, but a newbie will, and he may come off as putting the girl on a pedestal either way. But with practice, we all will learn to just let the convo flow.

  4. BTW, what’s up with Christian Hudson? I like y’all guys’ styles.

    I’d downloaded a free product from y’all once via newsletter. I think it was the fearless e-book if I’m correct. I can’t say that I learned anything novel (since I’m a seasoned guy in this field already), but I recommend it to less advanced guys.

  5. “I don’t think of what to say next, but a newbie will, and he may come off as putting the girl on a pedestal either way. But with practice, we all will learn to just let the convo flow.”

    I agree with you. I also think that teaching a guy that what you say doesn’t matter while giving him other things to focus on will help to get the conversation flowing faster and more consistently than teaching ‘what to say’ stuff, but as you mentioned, whatever works.

    And Christian and I are good. Just focusing on what’s next as always. Thanks for the kind words and good discussion!

  6. You may disagree, but I’m of the opinion (also some PUA dating coaches) that learning what to say next is a good way to go for starters as training wheels until you’re able to freestyle on your own.

    It’s in the same light that I advocate pickup routines and canned openers for newbies, then as the guy advances, he’ll be able to come up with his own openers and own flow. But we cannot expect guys who have no skills with women to be going full speed a head without training wheels of what to say. What’s your take?

    • “But we cannot expect guys who have no skills with women to be going full speed a head without training wheels of what to say.”

      Actually, that’s exactly what I expect and see with every guy I work with by giving them the the stuff I listed to focus on. In fact, I’ve found that teaching guys what to say actually makes it more difficult to do the stuff that I teach and have positive interactions with women. This is the main point behind this article –

      Also, if a guy is focusing on what to say next, that means he’s not focusing on the things I listed above, the things I say are the only things that matter.

      Again, two different philosophies – the pua stuff puts way too much emphasis on the what to say while I put none – but it’s whatever works for an individual.

    • Teaching guys pickup routines at the beginning only works if you are trying to get them over the fear of just talking. I’ve given lines to clients before… not so much routines but a simple opener just to get them over the anxiety of thinking what to say to the girl. My goal was to teach them not to over think, not to hesitate and to just get them to walk over and start talking. That definitely works.

      From a conversational skill set goal and with the intent of developing immediate attraction/intrigue, teaching routines doesn’t help if they haven’t learned to deliver things well through body language, eye contact and vocal tonality. And I think that’s what Nick’s point really is about.

      • Hate to disagree again, but I would just say that you can easily get a guy over his fear of talking and get them mostly positive reactions from women without any routines or openers, other than “hey”. I believe that the canned stuff also brings negative consequences such as placing an unnecessary importance on what you say and taking focus away from the things that make 1000 times more of a difference in your interactions.

        Once again though, whatever works for a guy is all that matters.

      • Nick,

        I don’t think you and I disagree at all. Your teaching style and mine is actually very similar. We both value the same principles (You and I have talked about this before).

        Whether, you tell your client to say “hey” or I tell my client to say “hey, what did you think of the event so far?” is pretty much giving them something to say without overburdening them with over-thinking.

        In my previous response, I use the term “routine” very loosely to indicate that I gave them something to say, not so much of a CANNED routine like SocialKenny was advocating.

  7. Well either way works then.

    I started out in pickup with canned routines, canned openers and all the classic stuff. They got me laid during my newbie phase.

    I’ve since done away with 95% of routines and just freestyle with my own on-the fly openers or situational openers. So I don’t think you can knock canned stuff neither. It works! But we learn to transition if we please to. I still use routines to this day. It doesn’t make me awkward since I know it isn’t the lines nor words, which goes back to what you teach your student to focus on.

    • I guess for me the canned stuff is just boring. I mean, getting laid’s not hard – it’s downright simple.

      I would go crazy if I were just saying the same things over and over again when I didn’t have to to get the same results.

      Also, not to say one method is better than the other – as be both agreed it’s whatever works best. I’m just saying that my success rate is 100% where some pickup guys end up successful like yourself – while others never get past their “beginner phase” and wonder why they get inconsistencies when they say the same thing.

  8. Hello Mr. Sparks:

    I have freaked out numerous times on what to say. Whereas I have friends who seem to say nothing, but are wallowing in phone numbers and possible partners.
    Recently I asked a female friend to explain what she wanted from a man, and she wrote this post.

    I’m sure some of your readers will dismiss her ramblings as chick lit, but when you combine her ideas with the last point on your list then it becomes a very powerful formula for dating success.

    Thanks for posting.

    • That’s an interesting article. The only thing I would say is that it only represents the viewpoint of one woman. Sure there are a lot of women who share her feelings, but there are still plenty of women who sometimes just want sex, or who do take pleasure in keeping a tidy home. Basically, everyone’s different, and while this may apply to a lot of them, if you just impress this view of a woman on every woman you meet you’ll be very disappointed.

  9. I am a newbie and I must say I find what you are advocating much more simplistic and natural in any situation than pure alpha pick-up lines. Sure they may work wonders for certain people, but for others they may not. I suppose you could combine the two, depending on which circumstances you are in with the ladies. But I quite like and feel comfortable with the way you suggest interacting with the ladies. It just comes accross more natural and I have experienced that myself, whereas the pick-up lines do not always work as well as suggested and sometimes actually puts woman off from the start. Exactly like you said, they feel you are not really listening and just waiting to say your next pick-up line to sound alpha or cool. They turn cold and you can carry on blabbering away, but they turn a cold shoulder. Just my experience. Maybe not a big one, but I do think you have a point there.

    • Glad to hear I provoked some thought!

      The only thing I would say, just in case my other comments here and other articles didn’t make it perfectly clear, I strongly advise against studying any more of the pickup line stuff if you want to have any real success with women.

      Good luck!

  10. Just kind of want to jump back to something that was said earlier and then give my two cents on the last bit here on canned routines…

    The comment was made that allowing her to talk about what interests her is supplicative (still not convinced that’s a word). I think Nick nailed it, but I wanted to add something. In my opinion, isn’t that one of the most powerful things you can allow someone to do? — to talk about themselves. Not only are you NOT screwing something up by talking too much or saying something you wish you hadn’t…but by allowing her to talk, she’s basically telling you what you need to do (in some sense). She’s practically giving you the combination to “unlock” her. Also, it’s incredibly masculine to not HAVE to say something…to be effortless (or appear that way).

    The point was made, but it’s necessary to put an end to things you don’t want to talk about…but I think it’s fun to let the other person take the conversation where they want it to go. It makes each interaction an adventure…which leads right into what I wanted to say about canned routines.

    I personally have never used a canned routine. Luckily, I found my way to the guys at TSM and Rob Judge early…but before that quick “find” – I would read about canned routines and just think, “I’m suppose to remember this? … and practice on whom? Myself?” I just remember being relatively creeped out by it.

    See, when it comes to social interaction with a stranger, it should be natural and organic. I can’t fathom using something practice and rehearsed on a human being with whom I’m trying to find out if there is a connection that will/can be created. It just makes the whole idea of interacting with someone you don’t know feel…well…rather, fake.

    It might seem heinous, but I really don’t know what’s going to come out of my mouth until it happens. And the best part…some times I can’t even mutter a word besides a simple “Hey.”…or even nothing at all (which is quite an experience). Eye contact, body language…it says everything for me. Sure, it feels funny and my body is screaming…”SAY SOMETHING!” But isn’t that funny feeling why we all approach random girls anyway – not THAT funny feeling 😉 – but that sense of realness you feel…that sense of being alive and you’re putting your nuts on the chopping block with a beautiful stranger. I think that’s one of the ultimate tests of masculinity.

    …and if I can’t walk up to a girl whom I’ve never met and be okay with being speechless, do I really have the self-confidence I portray? — or is it just a mirage if I’m spewing something I’ve rehearsed in the mirror?

    Any % of canned routines (in my opinion) is too much. Not knocking your style, Socialkenny…well, I guess I sort of am (not trying to)…but feeling real and making a solid connection with a beautiful stranger beats the hell out of a cheat code of sorts (re: canned routine) every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

    • Awesome awesome awesome – really well said, especially drawing attention to what really makes these interactions fun in the first place and why so many guys who use the canned lines stop enjoying the process of going out and talking to girls, even if they’re hooking up with them.

      Thanks as always for sharing

  11. @Samuel- You might’ve been creeped out by the thought of canned material, but I wasn’t. I used it to success.

    Despite being a pick-up coach, I personally still used canned material and I advocate them to my students, and they also use them to success.

    If canned routines make you or any other guy look or sound weird, then you’re just a weird guy in general, and nothing you say will ever make you seem or sound congruent. It’s just that simple.

    As for allowing women to blab. You and Nick need to understand this: allowing a woman to blab and talk about what she likes or wants to talk about is a death trap more than 50% of the time.

    You should not allow the girl to expound on subjects which will NOT accelerate what you’re looking for: presumably a lay or a solid # close.

    I’m the king of SNL (same night lays) and pulling one night stands. Allowing a girl to blab is anti- one night stand. You’ll have top settle for a # close, which she can then flake on you as a boring guy who has nothing to say.

    So if you’re cool with getting #’s from now until Armageddon; then that’s ok. But I plow for one night stands and insta-dates where I can bang the girl same day. In that case, I do the fucking talking. Not her! Allowing her to dictate the conversation will lead to no where. As the man, I lead;women follow.

    Nick’s advice (on this topic) cedes power over to the woman. Women are NOT turned on by men who give away power.

    • My question is this: WHY do you advocate them to your students? I understand that it “works” in the context of getting “solid # closes” or “SNLs” like you put…but my question dives a little deeper in to that. Does it ACTUALLY work? Are they getting over the real fear or anxiety or whatever it is that prevents them from talking to a woman by using canned material — or — is it an illusion? Because to me…using canned material on someone whom you’ve never met isn’t really meeting and attracting them to who YOU are.

      Shouldn’t you be teaching guys how to make their real personality attractive — and not some pseudo personality they communicate in a bar?

      And as far as “allowing women to blab”…I think you’re missing the key concept. You are ALLOWING them the opportunity — and if a topic comes up you don’t want to talk about…you change it to something else. How is that not communicating “power” or whatever it is you’d like to portray? It’s cool to be a strong, confident guy who commands attention through body language and eye contact…but a guy “commanding” attention by talking the whole time…I don’t see it.

      Because, honestly…it’s not that hard to interject sexual tension into a conversation…but you don’t have to do it by talking. And when sexual tension is high, there’s only one place it can lead.

      I just feel like there is some power trip you’re on with women. Why do you HAVE to keep all the power? Why do you HAVE to do the talking? Do you enjoy your interactions with women? That’s the whole goal of pickup, right? Or is your goal just to get as many +1’s as you can?

      We clearly have differing views, and that’s alright. I just think it’s important to be open to the idea of learning to fail because you said something stupid…not because you forgot the punch line to a story someone else made up. The best part about what Nick teaches is that these communication skills translate across the board into all areas of life. You become a more masculine man and a better friend and a better employee/boss. If that’s not something worth vying for, I don’t know what is.

  12. @Samuel- Well you made my point. 9 out of 10 times, what a woman would say out of her mouth during that initial meet will be something not worth talking about, so the guy will still have to lead.

    As for using canned material doesn’t take away from the person’s true personality.

    Dude, y’all are delving too deeply into this. Using canned material is just an opener lol! After that initial opener, the guy has to rely on social intuition, social smarts to carry on the interaction.

    So what is wrong with a guy breaking the ice with a 5 second opener that is pre-canned?

    Absolutely nothing wrong with that. What I teach guys to say for 5 seconds will not ruin them for a lifetime thus turning then into robots lol. They’re just openers/ice-breakers. Not detriment in using them.

    I use canned material based on day to day observations. For instance, I seen on the news (months ago) that in Saudi Arabia, men can divorce women via text messaging.

    I said to myself, wow! That makes for a solid fucking opener!

    Since then, I give it to my students to open with. It’s simple and won’t harm them as y’all are insinuating.

    Me: “Hey girls, I need a quick opinion on this. Just last night, I seen on the news that in some countries, men can divorce women via text. Is that shit right or what”!?

    10 out of 10 times, the girls will engage the subject! It’s never failed me nor the guys I teach it to.

    However, after that initial opener, they’re on their own to freestyle.

    An opener (canned) is just something to spark the girl’s interest initially.

    Just saying hi is a canned opener, however a shitty one lol!

    So guys, y’all really have no point with bashing canned stuff.

    • It’s clear that we have differences of opinion, and that neither of us will change them right now. That’s fine, differences are what makes the world go ’round.

      Kenny, you implying that Sam is a “weird dude” is now the second personal attack you’ve made on this blog, and after one warning already, I simply won’t tolerate any disrespect from one person toward another. I’m sure there’s tons of other places on the internet that will appreciate your ideas – please take them there.

  13. @Nick- What I meant was, if “a guy” (any guy) is weird in general, give him canned stuff and he’ll still be weird. Tell him go natural; he’ll still come off as weird. It’s a general statement.

    My point overall is that there are more than 1 ways to get to the same point. You’re saying that the PUA’s way is wrong and doesn’t work. I never said your way doesn’t work. You’re being dogmatic while I’m being open-minded to accept that your approach works also, but it’s not the only way.

    • Like I said, agree to disagree.

      I could tell you how my guys aren’t just trying to get laid and how I think #’s, makeouts, and lays are superficial goals that will ultimately end in emptiness – but you’ll disagree and I respect your right to do so.

      I could say that having some “canned” thing to say is pointless, because even if the girls find the topic you brought up interesting it’s still up to other factors of whether she finds you attractive or not – and by focusing on some silly line you’re not focusing on the things that do influence whether or not she’s attracted to you – that guys use “not having anything to say” as an excuse not to talk to girls and that teaching them things to say just reinforces that excuse and the belief that you need something. You’ll disagree, and I respect your right to do so.

      I think pua acronyms are weird, dehumanizing, and unnecessary. You disagree, and I respect your right to do so.

      There’s other things as well, but the point is that there are other places where your views will be welcome and agreed with – this isn’t one of them, based on some fundamental disagreements we have. And also, you continued your personal attacks after I asked you to stop and therefore I unfortunately have to ask you to stop posting. All I ask is that you respect that, and in return I promise not to go on your blog, slight your methods and beliefs, and personally attack you and the people who believe what you do.

  14. And if Sam feels offended, let him defend himself. Don’t speak for him like a fucking chode. Sam doesn’t need an overseer. Hey Nick, you’re a prick, and if I were to write 1 bad review on my PUA blog about your dogmatic approach, I can guarantee your site will be reduced to 1 view per day. I’m known as the seduction-blog killer, so you better ask somebody clown. I’d cause your site to fizzle out so fast. You’d think a hurricane came through your town. I’ve caused many PUA sites to shut down after giving my opinion on my blog via articles and podcast. You can be next on my proverbial hit-list clown.

    You suck and you have no Game. Don’t force me to write an article about that, “Nick Sparks has no game”. And I can guarantee it’d be the highest ranking in a web search under your name. So try me prick! I’d ruin your career as a coach.

    • This is my blog – and I have a right to approve or disapprove of any content on it, just like you do with your blog.

      Why are you here?

      No matter, I tried to ask you to stop the personal attacks. That didn’t work so now I just won’t approve any and all comments you try to make.

      I’ll leave this up as an example of what’s unacceptable here.

    • Hey Nick, better be careful. This guy means business. And I’m pretty sure that the moment he exposed you, our 100K+ email subscribers and thousands of daily site visitors would see what a chode you were.

      • Ha, you should have seen some of the comments that I marked as spam. It looks like my name in the pua community will forever be ruined – not sure how I can live with myself after that 😉

  15. Anyway …. So great blog I just bought fearless , got half way through it , giving it time to sink in before I finish it . The man stance is amazing , they should teach it in school ha ha . As regards the blog , it makes sense to me , I have changed my way of thinking since August and oh man it is been great because this stuff actually makes you happier and more fulfilled . I am not putting this course up as the bee all and end all of wisdom ,however it is great . I tried stuff like the game, and, a few things I want to say why this stuff is better . Yes lines and routines will get you laid but what about the next day or week or month ? Plus I also felt like a creep like I was tricking someone in to liking me instead of just saying ” f~~k it I am just heading out tonight to have an awesome time and hopefully meet some cool people ” Anyway I just wanted to say that the work you MEN do Chris and Nick is great , keep up the good work and keep spreading the word . Greetings from Ireland. 🙂

  16. These are pretty solid facts and interesting stuff. It just feels to me like these days it’s getting harder and harder to attract women due to confusion from so much information floating around. This one ebook also describes a lot of these facts in detail . I think if one could master body language you could master attracting women.

    • I agree with all of your points. I would just be sure to watch out for “information overload” at a certain point more information just makes you worse. Women want a man of action, not a man of thinking.

  17. Nick,

    You do a great job covering the importance of nonverbal communication. It really is crucial in terms of attraction. If you have the sub-communication down, you can talk about the most absolutely absurd things and it won’t really matter.


  18. Nick,
    what would you suggest about applying these skills when your feeling anxious. For example, I might decide to focus on facial expression and I can do this just fine when I’m not nervous but as soon as I get nervous I become very anxious with my thoughts, and start wondering if I am doing the facial expressions correctly. I might try standing up straight to regain my composure but it just seems like there is no recovering.

    • Great question. I address this in Fearless to a certain extent, but when you get nervous you have a tendency to tighten up, and all of these actions suffer. In order to combat this, I recommend over-doing the actions. At least do them to the point where you feel like you’re over-doing them and because of the natural tightness you’re nervousness is bringing you’ll usually hit the sweet spot.

      Good luck!

  19. I bought fearless and it is a great program.
    My question then, is when I try and overdue it, it feels inauthentic. Like they aren’t the real emotions that I am feeling. Does this come off as ingenuine to the people that I am talking to as well?

  20. Thanks, and another really good question.

    You definitely want to do your best to master your emotions and bring some real feeling into the interaction. That being said, if you can’t break through the nervousness in a given moment, an overdone empathetic expression will always get more positive feedback than a nervous one, and that positive feedback will get you feeling good so that the real expressions come naturally.

    Don’t patronize them, do your best to be genuine – just turn it up to 11.

  21. Great article Nick! I just had a quick and possible pointless question.

    Would this six things or the Fearless program itself would apply for fear of escalation or could you write something about it?

    Also, it may sound also a little out of the way, but can you write an article regarding the importance of eye contact? I know it’ an obvious thing, but sometimes, ome hy guys (like myself) underestimate the importance of eye contact, in consecuence, everything else.

    • Hey Aprendiz, this article and Fearless are both about how to get you to the point right before escalation, basically to get to where women are attracted to you and you have to either move the relationship forward or lose them. I’ll definitely be writing another article on escalation and eye contact, thanks for the suggestion!

  22. I’ve always struggled with what to say being a more introverted person… although I made an effort to focus on “what’s important” last weekend on a first date and it makes all the difference my brutha. Let’s just say it was a long, fun night! 🙂

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