Get Back Basics

I’ve been working as a social and dating coach for a little over a year now (time flies) and have been lucky to work with a large number of really great guys. There is one thing that I have to coach guys on again and again that always has a dramatic effect on their interactions with women. It’s not an opening line, nor their conversation skill. It’s simply their fundamentals: eye contact, body language, and vocal tonality.

I see these issues time and time again. If a guy has them down, then the rest of my job is easy. If he doesn’t, then there is nothing he can do to get a girl interested in him. 

Eye Contact: You know how important it is, but if your in the vast majority of the population you’re not doing it enough. Try staring at yourself in the mirror for a couple  minutes every morning. Not only will it enforce good habits, dedicating that time to it in the morning will also help you to keep it mind throughout the day.

Body Language: I’ll just hit the basics here because I could write 20 pages on the subject. Lean back. I promise you you’re probably leaning toward a girl far more than you realize. Don’t be afraid to make physical contact with another person and stay loose. Standing with your feet firmly positioned on the floor is a great way to loose her interest.

Vocal Tonality: You know you have to speak louder and more slowly. But also you have to speak with confidence. How many of your statements sound like questions? When you speak you should sound like a senior member of a company giving directions to a new staff member. Speak with authority.

Also, before you look for the next great line, remember that you can say “Hi, what’s your name” to a girl and it can mean 1000 different things. It can mean, “I don’t really care about your name. I’m just thinking about what to say next”, or, “I’m genuinely interested in finding out everything about you”, or, “I’m thinking about you naked right now”. Turning the conversation into a sexual one can be as simple as saying, “we should get another drink”.

Think about the effect the inflection you put on your words has. A simple thing said the right way can have a far more powerful impact than “the perfect response” said the wrong way. Plus, if your foundations are off the most witty response in the world won’t get the reaction you want.

I know that you’ve probably heard all of this before, however if you’re reading this right now there’s a very good chance you needed to hear it again. Get this stuff handled and watch women laugh at the dumbest jokes and become attracted to you after a conversation about paint drying.

3 thoughts on “Get Back Basics

  1. Coming out of a LTR, I had all of this stuff down. The only thing I couldn’t get back into without realizing two simple points were how to get back into the flirtatious state. My discoveries:

    Rationality kills fun conversations

    Give Love and Have Fun

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