(Nick) Wow wow wow, this is the reason I created the “Community Submitted Articles” section of my forum, so that incredible insights such as this one have a chance to shine. Enjoy this perfect analogy on what happens when you don’t allow an interaction to follow its natural path and how to handle the situation when it does. And if you have any thoughts that you’d like to share, please don’t hesitate to do so in the link above.
Author: uhmdown; Link to Original Post
I work in the field of Computer Science, and there’s this concept often understood as ”Undefined Behavior”.
It refers to erratic, deviating behavior of a piece of software, behavior that doesn’t appear to follow any simple rules, as a result of you having (intentionally or unintentionally) provoked a glitch in the software.
Once you’ve seen the glitch, you can no longer be sure of what pranks the software will pull on you. Its locked in a weird state, and the safest bet is to restart it, or to switch to a different more reliable program.
This dynamic has some peculiar and remarkable similarities to social interactions.
It might sound like an outdated joke to you, but I’m about to draw parallels to what happens when a man and a woman are having social interaction that might or might not turn sexual, but then “suddenly becomes all glitchy”.
Guys who struggle with women typically see women as doing mysterious stuff:
She becomes flakey, she shows increasing interest but suddenly goes cold, she becomes weird or super shy, etc etc.
What follows is the guys frantic attempt to figure out what the hell is going on, in order to try to turn it around. Just like when you provoke a glitch in a piece of software that then starts acting weird, you can provoke a glitch in the interaction you’re having with a woman, after which she will start acting weird. The glitch here is the guy not taking the lead.
In essence, when the guy does not take the next natural step, whether it be physical touch, kiss, stuff like that, he’s essentially provoking a glitch in the interaction. The interaction is no longer following its natural path, the woman notices this and will react in a range of different ways in order to protect herself, all depending on her emotional state, her personality, her confidence or self-esteem, and a million other things.
But just like you don’t try to figure out how and why a software glitch is playing out the way it does, understanding what happens in the woman’s head after you “glitch out” in a social interaction has no real value in the context of getting sexual. All that really matters is that you glitched out.
It’s certainly possible to diagnose what happens after the glitch. But in computer science, you need to be a bit of an expert, and likewise with a woman you need to be a shrink. Maybe with a trace of autism and cheat sheets written all over your arm. And even then, you won’t be able to work it out 100%, and further still, it will only have real value if you intend to write an academic paper about it.
Because the fact is, that it’s way complex what follows after the glitch; it depends on so so many unknown factors. Hence, “undefined” behavior.
The point I’m trying to stumble towards is that once you can identify her behavior as “undefined”, it should be easier for you to refrain from taking on the impossible challenge of trying to analyze the shit out of her behavior and instead, figure out what the glitch is, and who caused it.
Often times, you’ll find that the cause is really simple. Such as “you didn’t take the lead and take the next step”, or “someone misunderstood what the other was saying as something offensive”, or some other basic thing. Once you find it, you’ll be able to decide whether or not its something you can fix, or whether you should cut your losses and move on.
Before I complete this article, let me make two final observation.
Naturally, its possible make a more general case out of this. Any interaction has a wide range of “normal” courses it can follow, whether it be a chat with your neighbor, a discussion with a friend, or a hot date with a potential girlfriend.
In order to detect that the interaction with a woman is moving into “undefined” territory, you need to have some basic understanding of what “normal” courses an interaction can take.
Thankfully, Nicks articles provide us guys with plenty of awesome guidance to that end.
His “Moment of Truth” book excerpt is a great example of this.