Are You Rejecting Women Without Realizing It?

I’m willing to bet that you’ve rejected a ton of women without even realizing it. Don’t believe me? Let me explain how:

When a woman is attracted to you she’ll give you some signals, consciously or not. These signals include nervousness, strong eye contact, filling in the blanks in conversation (you’re leaving blanks for her to fill right?), turning to face you, and a big, genuine smile. These signals are the equivalent of her saying “I like you”.

Have you ever told someone you liked them and they didn’t return the sentiment? How did it feel? This is exactly how you made every women feel who gave you these signals if you didn’t say “I like you too” in some way, shape or form. How do we say “I like you too”? Simple, we take any action that moves the relationship to a deeper, or more romantic place – basically it’s your way of saying “I like you too”.

We can express our sexual desire through the look in our eye or by asking her out. If you don’t though, either because you’re not interested or you’re afraid of “messing things up” or whatever excuse your fear gives you, then you’re basically telling her, “thanks but no thanks”. You’re rejecting her.

Let’s be honest, if you’re waiting for a stronger signal from her before you make your move, what you’re really doing is waiting for her to make the move for you. Most women won’t, and as a female colleague likes to say, she’ll sometimes make the move because most guys in our society are too afraid to, but every time she does, ‘a little part of her dies inside’. Even if they’re not dying, most women will become significantly less attracted to you if they have to make the move because you’re too afraid to.

I will admit, the signals women give can sometimes be a bit confusing. The signals that indicate she’s attracted to you are nearly identical to when she’s just being very friendly. In fact, colleagues who coach women tell me that one of the most common pieces of advice they give is for them to give guys stronger signals. So, how do we tell the difference? Easy, we make a (mild) move. I’m not saying to smack her ass at this point, but some stronger eye contact that’s connected to our feelings or direct verbalization of those feelings will give you your answer immediately. If those signals get stronger, stay with that feeling. If she becomes uncomfortable, back off.

As I always say, a woman will forgive you for pushing a little too far as long as you respect those boundaries, but she’ll never “forgive you” for being too afraid to make a move. Sure, I’ve gotten ‘the cheek’ much more than once after trying to go in for a kiss, but every time the woman was more attracted to me – or at least respected me more – for making a move. Also, keep in mind that as with any new behavior you’re looking to add – you’re going to do it awkwardly at first. It’s the only way to learn. Luckily women are so sick of guys being too afraid to go for it that they’ll be comically forgiving of any guy who has the balls to do it awkwardly – and you’ll get a ton more positive responses than if you don’t do anything.

The only question is, when are you going to stop waiting for her to do the hard work for you and start taking on the role society has deemed for you?

10 thoughts on “Are You Rejecting Women Without Realizing It?

  1. Words of wisdom.
    Even if you do ‘risk’ yourself of going too far – being an ‘asshole’ always beats being too shy.

    • Thanks Regev, and it isn’t being a asshole, it’s being a strong, fearless man. It just so happens that “assholes” do this more often than “nice guys” because they’re not as afraid to make a “wrong” move. Being an asshole by itself though is still unattractive, women are just desperate nowadays for masculinity so they’re willing to settle. Why do you think 50 Shades of Grey was so popular?

      • I definitely definitely agree. What I was saying is that even if you went ‘too far’ and was perceived as an asshole (for whatever reason), it’d still be better than doing nothing and being perceived like a weak wimp.

  2. Nick this is truly a great article …especially for clueless nuts like me ..who rejected a lot of girls cos i was too afraid to make a move ..!!
    One thing that is true, is that girls show minute signs of being attracted to a guy which makes most guys ( Shy ones) to wonder whether they like us or just being friendly (Like u said). I’ve asked this question at least a 1000 times .. !!
    But thanks to you Nick, I realized women are human beings with feelings of attractiveness too ..and they will be attracted to a guy just like we are to them .. So when i like a girl, who’s to say she won’t like me .. (I’m awesome, ask anyone who knows me 😛 ) That’s when i became FEARLESS !! 😀

    Today i’m not afraid to tell even a girl who is outta my league (Well u shouldn’t think that right ? ), that i like her and am attracted to her.. 🙂 and like Nick says, the number of positive results has sky rocketed for me ..:D
    To such an extent that now, girls are asking me out B)
    Thanks a Ton Nick 😀
    Cheers !!

    • I’m really happy to hear that you’re having so much success! And you can never tell when or who someone will be attracted to you, or who you’ll be attracted to for that matter. Studies have shown that women are attracted to the smells of particular men who are genetically complimentary to them – we really have no control over it, other than whether or not we take advantage when an opportunity presents itself.

      And so then of course the who league thing is silly when you look at it this way. There are no leagues other than what the human brain creates – which is stronger or weaker depending on a particular person. The only real thing is natural attraction. Yes, there are women (and men) who ignore natural attraction in favor of more superficial dating goals – but they always end up miserable and many end up getting coaching themselves.

      Thanks for the comment!

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