Approach Anxiety: “I Just Don’t Know What to Say!”

I hear this one from guys all the time. It’s the most common excuse as to why he didn’t approach her. The woman he had his eye one was peeking back in his direction and he freezes. The reason? “I didn’t know what to say.”

Specifically, we’re talking about saying something to a stranger or someone we don’t know that well in any number of situations. The most important thing to keep in mind in these situations is this:

Conversations start on an emotional level before words are ever spoken.

If we look at someone and they look away with a “please leave me alone” vibe, then the conversation is clear. If you try to physically approach after that you’d most likely be met with a “what are you doing?” look for failing to read the communication up to this point.

If, on the other hand, your look is received with a, “hey, how’s it going?” emotional response, then you’d practically be rejecting her if you didn’t take the conversation to a verbal level.

Your look is important of course. If you’re in your head then you’ll probably be giving off an awkward, anti-social feeling. She’ll probably get more uncomfortable when you look at her like that. If, on the other hand you’re simply listening, accepting, and surrendering to the feelings in your body and enjoying that emotional experience as you look as someone and smile then you’ll likely be received with more warmth.

Guys always want to kill the tension they feel. This is the worst thing they could do! That energy is their power. You must take deep breaths and say, “This is alright. I’m okay with this. I’m okay with myself.” If you do this and put yourself and you feeling out there when you make eye contact, you’ll notice dramatic differences in the way people look back.

If someone can’t feel you then you’ll immediately become more intimidating. If they can, they’ll feel more comfortable opening up as well.

Saying something to the people that make us the most nervous without breaking a sweat is still really difficult. That’s why it’s important to practice with everyone we come into contact with. Then when we see someone we really like we’re more likely to do it right.

The more human connection we put out there, the more positive responses and connection we’ll receive. Then we become more confident and more pro-social and more and more people start returning our emotional introductions positively. This becomes a virtuous circle as the pro-social energy we exude becomes more attractive to people who would have been more closed off in the past.

If you’re ever wondering about what to say, you’re forgetting the most important part of every conversation and ignoring those feelings, probably because they feel uncomfortable. Simply take some deep breaths and attempt to enjoy the emotional connections available to you. Make eye contact, share a warm smile, and learn to converse more with the people who want to connect more. Be one of the few men on the planet that women can feel. Then women will approach you.


5 thoughts on “Approach Anxiety: “I Just Don’t Know What to Say!”

  1. I’m a confirmed single guy so I don’t play the game anymore, but I have always found Human Behaviour to be interesting. I love to sit and watch guy’s hovering around some Woman trying to get the nerve to make a move. There are times when you could compare it to the “Keystone Cops”! Anyway, good hunting guy’s!!

  2. This is the kind of simple thinking that most guys (myself included) think could NEVER work, but in reality is the only thing that does. Loved it.

    • Very nice, now how about something helpful for me?:

      I am not nervous, but still haven’t got anything to say.

      • I’m calling bullshit willowandy.

        You’ve got tons of stuff to say. Guarantee your brain has thoughts running through it all the time, any one of which you can say. You just don’t think anything you have to say is good enough. That’s a confidence issue, not a “I don’t know what to say” issue.

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