Alumni Mailbag: Strong Emotion Without Neediness

This exciting post introduces a new feature here at sparksofattraction, the Alumni Mailbag. For those who are unaware, each week I run a conference call for all of my alumni (and for a monthly charge to a few subscribers) in which I answer any and all of their questions.

As long as people seem to enjoy this though, I will be selection one question each week to answer via video. Please let me know what you think, and I hope you enjoy. (I’ll add the text of the question below the video.)

This week’s question:

Hey Nick,

Question for the call. So: my personality is naturally more talkative and high-energy, and one of the things you say about conversation is to react with strong emotion, even exaggerated or child-like emotion, to the feelings of what a girl is talking about. **But on the other hand** a key feature of your conversation training is to leave the ‘pregnant pause’, and that it feels sexier to a girl when guys seem not to try hard.

So dude, given my natural personality (which you know) how do I split the difference here? Can you give me a better sense of when to turn on strong emotion, and when to just hang back and leave space?


2 thoughts on “Alumni Mailbag: Strong Emotion Without Neediness

  1. I think this is great! Both the format and the content

    I can add something from my own experience: if you have a tendency to be analytic, find the switch and find a way to turn it off during conversations. Its virtually impossible to analyze and emote at the same time!

    • Awesome point! Genuinely listening and being present with another person is a cornerstone of what I teach, and like I always say, if you’re thinking, you’re not listening. If you’re in your head, your not present. Thanks for keeping this point at the forefront.

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