A question I often get is how to overcome that fear of “rejection” that a guy can feel when it comes to approaching a woman to whom he’s attracted. This is one of the most common fears that can make a guy hesitate to say “hi”, or make up some infinite amount of plausible excuses as to why he shouldn’t. Rejection however, can only happen when we forget a few simple things:
1. A conversation isn’t your sole responsibility to carry.
These things are a cooperative effort, and any good conversation you’ve ever had always was naturally. If she’s shy or awkward (and girls are really awkward) then that’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong if she’s not the best conversationalist, or if she’s just having a bad day, or if she has a boyfriend and doesn’t feel like flirting on that particular night. There’s not some magical code that’s going to change the fact that she’s a human being who’s got her own stuff going on.
Her reaction says more about her than it does about you. Stop making it all about yourself and consider the other person.
2. You have a choice here.
Like I said, start considering the other person – you should be trying to figure out whether or not you guys have chemistry and not forgetting that your say matters just as much as hers.
Start having higher standards for yourself than “she’s hot” – women want a guy with standards. If she’s rude to you in any way or even if you don’t enjoy talking to her that much then you should be “rejecting her”, politely of course.
3. Attraction is based on science – it’s not personal.
For some girls I’m just not their “type”, for others I am. It comes down to how I smell as much as anything. Check out this article on the subject if you haven’t seen it already.
It’s science, and you can’t blame yourself for that. Stop being afraid of getting “rejected” by women who you don’t ‘click’ with and start finding those you do.
4. She doesn’t even know you.
She can’t reject you, she can only be put off by the way you present yourself – which is just a learned behavior that can be improved like any other skill.
When Michael Jordan misses a shot, does he think, “damn, that rim just rejected me” and take it personally or does he think something more along the lines of, “how can use this feedback to improve my shot?”. The only difference is that as stated above, a woman won’t give you the same static feedback as a metal basketball rim. Remember that she’s an unpredictable human being with her own stuff going on, however you can still improve yourself and increase your averages. In the end, the only feedback that matters is that which you’re using to present yourself more effectively, the rest is up to chance and how aggressive you are.
For a little more on what matters most in the way you present yourself when approaching then check out this older article.
If you’re taking her reaction as “rejection” then that’s one of the reasons that you’re not coming across as very attractive in the first place – your fears are clouding you from remembering these very basic facts.
As long as you’re being a normal guy she can’t reject you. Maybe she’s not in the mood for whatever reason, maybe she’s rude or you just don’t enjoy talking to her and you “reject” her, maybe it’s science, or maybe you just need to present yourself more confidently. Either way, “rejection” is nothing more than a figment of your sensitive imagination – are you really going to let it dictate your life?