The WRONG Way to Get Sexual

Recently I’ve written a couple articles that explain how to get sexual and why you must get sexual, but there is a bit more to it than that. I make it sound extremely simple – because it is – and yet there are still plenty of problems that can be stumbled upon. For example, many guys attempt to get sexual and offend women, which is the reason why so many guys are so afraid to escalate in the first place. Also, many guys get labeled as a ‘player’ when they attempt to be sexual and have women second-guessing their intentions or backing out of a first date even after things were ‘hot and heavy’ when they first met. If you can relate to any of this, then this article is for you.

Women afraid you’re a player? Here’s how to avoid the accusation.

As long as you’re following the advice in my “how to” article, then there’s only one reason why you may be getting less than positive results when you attempt to escalate: you’re doing it at the wrong time. As I mention in my “why” article, getting sexual is nothing more than a way to say to a woman, “I like you too”. The thing is, if she doesn’t like you and you keep attempting to get sexual without being aware of her signs of discomfort, then you’re just digging yourself a deeper hole of creeper-dom.

Then there’s the ‘player’ accusation, often resulting in women seemingly very into a guy in the moment, but then questioning his intentions (whether they’re vocalized or not) to the point of pushing him away. Although she may very well be attracted to him, she can either gain or lose interest depending on when he expresses his sexual desire.

If he throws around his sexual desire toward a woman at any random time, then the woman will start to get the idea that the only reason he’s into her is because she’s above a certain minimum standard of attractiveness, because she has lady parts, and that he probably does this to every woman who meets these basic criteria. Even if she’s incredibly attracted to a guy, if he’s demonstrating sexual interest no matter what she does or says, then she’s going to get the feeling that he only wants to use her as a walking vagina who could be easily replaced by any other walking vagina and will most likely lose interest unless she’s just looking for a walking penis with some minimum of attractiveness herself.

How do you avoid this pattern? Simple. If you base your expressions of your sexual desire on her actions – on the things that exemplify her uniqueness and personality as a human being – then she will feel like you’re actually into her and that you don’t just ‘do this to all the girls’. Is she trying to talk about something serious and you try to get sexual? Walking vagina. Is she telling a fun story, making a silly joke or being sexy herself and that genuinely turns you on? Express it like crazy.

It’s a subtle difference (at least for guys) but addressing it can remove a glass ceiling that is probably hindering your relationships with women. Learn to save your sexual energy for when a woman truly deserves it – otherwise known as having higher standards than “has vagina” – and you’ll begin to see a remarkable difference in the way women respond to you.

Good luck!

7 thoughts on “The WRONG Way to Get Sexual

  1. Ok wow. This right here:

    “base your expressions of your sexual desire on her actions – on the things that exemplify her uniqueness and personality as a human being”

    is a _really_ big deal for me. I’m going to have to meditate on this for at least a week.

  2. Yo Nick,
    It’s really funny mate because I was just thinking about this on the way home right now, as if in when to escalate and trying to find something unique about her.

    Will have to talk to you more about this 😉

  3. I don’t think I’m entirely on the same page when it comes to why one may get labeled as a player or not. I certainly don’t think its (just) a matter of timing.

    There’s a difference between simply being horny, and being a player. To me, the word ‘player’ describes a person who’s looking to seduce women, but at the same time keeps himself emotionally out of the reach.
    A guy who seduces women but at the same time doesn’t shy away from opening up and putting his flaws on full display, is just someone who really likes women.

    This is also why the worst players are the ones who can fake emotions.
    Take the scene in the movie “Ted” where Mila Cunis’ colleague convinces her to go on a date with him. He’s obviously just interested in screwing around, but because he appears to open up, she gives him a chance.
    On the flipside, see Hank Moody from Californication. He seduces women left and right, but because he’s genuinely putting himself and his flaws out there, the women find him annoyingly irresistible.

    • I think our not being on the same page here comes from a tiny crossing of wires, and not from an actual disagreement.

      First of all I completely agree that the Hank Moody type who really opens up and loves women to a sexually addicted level isn’t a ‘player’ (maybe almost more of a slave to women) and I hope nothing in my article contradicted that.

      Secondly, yes, I’d agree that the sociopathic guy who fakes emotions to sleep with women is the best definition of a ‘player’ out there, but it’s not the main reason why guys get CALLED OUT by a woman in the moment for being a player. A woman usually calls a guy out for it because he’s just escalating on her because she has a vagina instead of because of who she is. A woman doesn’t call out the sociopath, because he’s so good at faking it that she can’t tell – plus I’m not writing this article for those guys, I’m writing it for the guys who are trying to have real relationships but are making simple yet understandable mistakes in doing so.

    • Also, I could be mistaken here, but I’d suggest spending more time thinking about how your ideas agree with someone else’s before being so quick to say that they don’t – even if they appear different at first. I’m not talking about just with me, but in general. Maybe I’m reading waaaay too much into this, and forgive me if that’s the case, but having a first instinct of disagreement can be a way that you showcase your own intelligence and knowledge (which we all know is quite considerable) – but that ultimately can put a distance between you and others who take things more personally that I do.

      The short version, use your intelligence to see where your ideas are similar before even considering how they might be different.

  4. No, you’re spot on and thanks for pointing it out.
    Its my absolute worst character flaw, and especially on the internet with its impersonal nature, I often completely neglect to keep it in check.
    IRL I actually try to avoid getting into lengthy intellectual discussions because I know that I might spin out of control !
    (Although it works really well if the woman is the exact way!)

    Rereading my post, I can totally see how there’s ‘aggressive’ written all over it (and maybe off-topic too). Sorry about that : )

    Fun fact: I spent almost a whole hour writing the above, because I was struggling with _not_ writing another wall of text. That’s how obsessed I am : P

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